No music for this one.
Music is a comfort, and oftentimes, an escape.
Some facets of reality are no less than themselves, and trying to cheapen them–to dull their impact–is no less than pretending you’re not alive.
“Wish You Hadn’t”
There are times I forget you aren’t there any more.
Like trying to kick a habit I never wanted to quit.
Like checking my pocket for smokes knowing I haven’t smoked in years.
I could use one now.
Little things come creeping back long after I thought I’d shut them out.
Smelling cookies when there’s no baker.
Calling for anything that’ll never come.
Knowing I’m the only one who could’ve left that mess I can’t recall making.
But it’s different now, whether or not I want it so.
Making an enemy of myself, because I trusted you more than I did me.
Neither sides cease and the private war bristles just beneath the skin.
Pulling you out piece by piece digs deeper holes that would burn if they could fill.
There are still dreams in my dreams.
The accidental sleep lays yesterday’s stories over tomorrows abandoned.
It forgets to take the bitter longing at daybreak.
Almost enough to make me reconsider.
So many times I wonder how well I play the fool.
Pretending nothing matters so that even I may start to believe.
Or is that too a lie?
Can’t believe a word I say.
So many thoughts when only one matters:
I wish you hadn’t.
I ignore a thousand tiny bits every day.
Little motes that will change no great thing.
Occasionally a thing becomes another thing, and that we call life.
In between, was us.
And for us I did, and would’ve done, so much.
I wanted to make little motes into things that become another.
You wanted so badly to see what came next.
In that time, the reason for the word “beauty,” was never clearer.
Star-locked eyes beneath crystalline skies.
But none of that matters.
Because as much as I wish you hadn’t…
You did.